Cold Hearted Snake
by flashpenguin
Summary: Think you know the members of the BAU? Maybe once you see them from the perspective of a snake you might change your mind. Written for the fanfic challenge on CCOAC.


_Okay, this is soooo late. My only excuse is that Erin and her pet did not want to come out and play nicely. But then again, should I have expected anything else from a woman who owns a snake? Still…I must have started this story twenty different ways from twenty different perspectives. Yet, nothing clicked. Not one thing. Finally, I settled on a team fic from the point of view of a critter that crawls on its belly and swallows it's food whole. What can I say? It's done._

_Song prompt: "Cold Hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul _

_I don't own, nor shall I ever own, Criminal Minds. *&^% *!^ #%$_

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community! _

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_

**Cold Hearted Snake**

Okay, let's get this straight: I'm a snake…or rather, a Python. I slither on my belly, and I constrict my prey until the life is choked out of them. Then I swallow them whole. Yeah, I'm cold-blooded and I hide in the brush waiting to strike. How is that different from most of the human population? But where they are glorified, I'm viewed as evil and dirty.

Maybe that's why Erin and I get along so well.

We don't mean to do the things we do, but it's in our nature. We are survivors. We have to live. And in order to do so, we have to eliminate the weak part of society. Even if it's people we work with. It's a sucky job, but someone has to do it.

So, you want the low down on the team from my point of view? Want to know who is a snake? Who isn't? And who walks the fine line? Well, pull up a chair and I'll let you in on the skinny.

Where to start…? Okay, the most apparent of them all:

Aaron Hotchner: the leader of the team of mavericks trying to make a difference in the world. Stoic, uncaring, unfeeling… but only on the outside. He really cares about the people he works with and he will go to bat like mad to make sure that nothing happens to them. The man you see in the bullpen is not the man who has gone toe to toe with Erin Strauss behind closed doors. He has fought tooth and nail to keep the funding for the one department that has caught more criminals than even J Edgar Hoover could have imagined. Trust me, the man has a temper. But why not? He's a friend and a parent. And this team is like his family. The man is not and will never be a snake. On the other hand, never say never.

Derek Morgan: second in command and probably will never rise higher than being in charge of the BAU…if he lives that long. He lives for making a difference and he wants to understand why there is evil in the world. What can I tell him? Hell, I'm only a snake for crying out loud. Just because I slither on the ground doesn't make me an expert in human thinking. Trust me, I fear criminals the same way people fear me. But he did kill a man in cold blood. Right or wrong. Some will say self defense and others will say he was goaded. I say good riddance. But he is willing to roll on his team if need be - hell it's about self-preservation. Because in a nutshell…he is pretty damn close to being a snake.

Emily Prentiss: Loyal, fiercely driven, and a total bad ass. She will fight to the death to protect and defend the ones she loves - to hell with what any one thinks. She has lived on her own for so long, she has built a wall around herself to keep out anything other than work. Some call it compartmentalizing; I call it survival. She was employed to be a mole and help close down the BAU. But that isn't who she is. A loner doesn't mean that she hides in a hole and fears the sun. She can't roll over on her family. She is not a snake…though she would make a very pretty snake…if I must say so myself.

Jennifer Jareau: Beautiful, sharp, and naïve…until those above her and below her decided to pull the carpet out from under her and mess with her life. Maybe they meant well, but their actions turned the sweet dispositioned, kitten into a fierce, teeth gnashing Mama Cat. Who would have thought that beautiful lady had nails ready to sink into the hide of anyone who dared to mess with her family? She left the FBI broken and sad. Now she's back with a chip on her shoulder. And though she's got a bit of venom in her, she is not a snake…but she could be with a little push.

Spencer Reid: Genius, tortured, easily swayed. He could be a snake. He should be a snake. He looks innocent, but below the surface lies a man ready to strike out and injure his opponent if pushed to the limit. It isn't as though he doesn't care, but he can't. It's not a luxury afforded to a man spawned from a borderline sociopath and a schizophrenic. He came into the FBI lost, lonely, and totally innocent. A mad man drove him almost over the edge. A co-worker nearly drove him mad. Life nearly made him crazy. He is about self-preservation and each year that passes, he's finding that he can stand on his own. He's not the kid that walked thru the FBI doors nearly ten years ago. And he is closer to being a snake than anyone else on the team.

Penelope Garcia: Loyal, loving, pretend loner, hungry for love and family, fiercely protective. Cannot, nor will she ever be a snake. End of story.

Dave Rossi: Rebel and non-conformist. He plays by the rules…until they don't suit his needs, then he changes them around. He sets the moment and he doesn't care whose toes he steps on. His bark is worse than his bite, but not many people know that because they tend to run like hell after crossing him. He doesn't lie in wait for his prey - he hunts them down - and makes them pay. He seems cold and distant, but he cares like nobody's business and if push comes to shove, he will NEVER turn and run. He lives for a fight. The last place you will ever find him is under a rock or hiding in the brush. He is the freakin reason I am in an aquarium in Erin Strauss. I was a white elephant gift on the Christmas before he left the FBI - a subtle message to the woman he pretends to hate, but deep down inside, still cares for. He is not a snake…he's a mongoose. And I fear him.

So that leaves the last person on the list. And God knows she's going to skin me and make me into a belt after this is said and done, but here goes:

Erin Strauss: Cold and unfeeling on the outside. She uses her lack of emotion as a shield. But she can't afford to wear her heart on her sleeve when she has a job to do. She has lives to protect and a job to preserve. Getting too emotional about the crimes that come across her desk is a luxury she can't afford to have. She's getting paid to be in charge - not be a grief counselor or a therapist. She's loyal but a lot of that is bravado; she lives in fear of failing. It's hard to be near the top of the food chain when you're constantly looking over your shoulder for predators. Even the best hunter can become the prey if they lose focus. So, what is she? In a nutshell, she is a snake.

Oh crap! Will you look at the time? I can hear her coming down the hall now. It's time for my snack, then a good sunning on my rock under the heat lamp. But if she finds out that I was talking to you, I might be the snack. So, as far as I'm concerned, this conversation never happened.

Hey, what can I say? I _am_ a snake.


End file.
